Tis' a new day!
Yet aother Monday rolls around and I realizet hat each day that goes by is me being that much clsoer to my objective.
It's moving along but I look in the mirror and I don't see it. I guess I can feel it. But it's obvioulsy not noticeable yet.
Yesterday, we went waling in the Gatineau Park in Chelsea, to enjoy the fresh air and feast our eyes on the beautiful fall colors. Nature is majestic~
I did not weigh myself, but the weekend was hard. I have cravings and am still concerned with no bowel movements. It gets me all in a panic because I think of Kelly-Anne who they said died from complications related to a blocked colon.
I wonder to myself what happens in cases like that?
I think about alot of things and I I try to block out all the negative.
I remind myself that my life and my past experiences have equiped me with alot of knowledge about my condition, I trust that I am in tune with the signals my body sends to know what to do in situations where my life is at risk.
I say this because I've been living woth Lupus for over 20 years and I know fro a fact that there have been many close calls. Trips to the ER and situations where I lost control and everything got worse in the blink of an eye.
It's scary but it also teaches you alot. It teaches you resiliance, a competelry different type of resiliance. I tell people how much I hate hospitals. But alone, sometimes, at night, the truth comes out, the honest matter of the fact is that I'm scared of hospitals. Every time I'm admitted, I'm scared, of that moment in the unknown when everything becomes shaky, and everything doesn't stand for anything. Asking questions to the doctors and not getitng answers, that's when the walls of the hospital become the chambers of death.
Being hooked up and trying to keep in control of the meds, the tests, the probable diagnostics, the results, the treatment options etc.
Trying to be alert at every moment, to navigate your body and keep it from swaging back and fourth into the pit of the hospitals reality.
A hospital stay is a terrible battle of illness but the patient's most important fight is the one with their own will. The capacity to rise when everything around is crumbling. For the mind to be a warrior and not a patient.
It's moving along but I look in the mirror and I don't see it. I guess I can feel it. But it's obvioulsy not noticeable yet.
Yesterday, we went waling in the Gatineau Park in Chelsea, to enjoy the fresh air and feast our eyes on the beautiful fall colors. Nature is majestic~
I did not weigh myself, but the weekend was hard. I have cravings and am still concerned with no bowel movements. It gets me all in a panic because I think of Kelly-Anne who they said died from complications related to a blocked colon.
I wonder to myself what happens in cases like that?
I think about alot of things and I I try to block out all the negative.
I remind myself that my life and my past experiences have equiped me with alot of knowledge about my condition, I trust that I am in tune with the signals my body sends to know what to do in situations where my life is at risk.
I say this because I've been living woth Lupus for over 20 years and I know fro a fact that there have been many close calls. Trips to the ER and situations where I lost control and everything got worse in the blink of an eye.
It's scary but it also teaches you alot. It teaches you resiliance, a competelry different type of resiliance. I tell people how much I hate hospitals. But alone, sometimes, at night, the truth comes out, the honest matter of the fact is that I'm scared of hospitals. Every time I'm admitted, I'm scared, of that moment in the unknown when everything becomes shaky, and everything doesn't stand for anything. Asking questions to the doctors and not getitng answers, that's when the walls of the hospital become the chambers of death.
Being hooked up and trying to keep in control of the meds, the tests, the probable diagnostics, the results, the treatment options etc.
Trying to be alert at every moment, to navigate your body and keep it from swaging back and fourth into the pit of the hospitals reality.
A hospital stay is a terrible battle of illness but the patient's most important fight is the one with their own will. The capacity to rise when everything around is crumbling. For the mind to be a warrior and not a patient.
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